It’s amazing how fast this semester has gone by already. I can’t believe that this year is almost over. In one way, I’m glad because I am looking forward to a long holiday, but in another way, I’m sad because I have been teaching my IES class for almost a year and soon we won’t be seeing each other anymore. However, this is all part of the cycle of life, and it’s the way it should be.

We had a very interesting class the other day talking about metaphors for the future. We thought about the future being like a rollercoaster on a moonless night, a game of dice, a ship on the sea, and a blank piece of paper. I guess I kind of believe in the ship metaphor, in that I would like to think that we can have some influence on the future (like the captain of a ship deciding where he wants to go), but that we are also subject to outside forces beyond our control. You know, I used to think about fate and destiny a lot. I wonder if my students think about it. Although I like the ship metaphor for the future, I think at heart, I am really a fatalist in that I don’t think we do have much choice for our future, or if we do have a choice, it is very difficult to make certain choices in our lives. Let me try and explain this further:

What is mean is this – we are socialized to act in a certain way, and society around us expects us to act in certain ways. As a result, we usually act in the way that we are supposed to act in. All the choices I make in life are a result of my education and culture, and to go beyond that is very difficult. For example, I could choose to become a doctor or a teacher, but because of certain things that happened in my past I was propelled along the path of becoming a teacher, and it would have been very hard for me not to have become a teacher, and to have become a doctor instead. Everything in my past was propelling me into become a teacher, and it would have taken a huge effort to will not to be a teacher. Does that make any sense? It is almost like society controls our destinies, rather than ourselves, and society forces us to play certain pre-determined roles and it is almost impossible not to play the roles that society has decided for us. Another way to illustrate this might be the idea of marriage. All of society is constantly telling us that we need to find a partner, and that marriage and children are the highest ideal of happiness, but maybe for some people, this is not the way they could be most happy, but because society is pressuring them to get married, they get married anyway.

Hmmmm, I wonder if any of this is making any sense. I used to think about this a lot when I was younger (I am an old and cynical 34 now). I guess the biggest tragedy of this way of thinking is that I am aware of the fact that I have no real free will, but I am unable to do anything about it. I liken it to being in a straightjacket, with my legs free to roam. I can walk to where I want, but my arms aren’t free to do what I want.

Hoo whee, I hope my students aren’t reading this and getting depressed. Anyway, now that I am 34, I hope the ship metaphor is more apt than my straightjacket metaphor.

I am kind of a positive thinking nihilist. Is that an oxymoron?